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Teen Dating Violence – Are your kids safe?
Dating Violence

Teen Dating Violence – Are your kids safe?

Are your teenagers safe from dating their boyfriends and/or girlfriends?

You should share this article with every contact you have, they will need this information!

I am in the position in my life to see my two children coming of age, the age of starting to notice girls in a different way.  And thus we move into the area of teen dating.  One of the ways that I know that my children will behave is to teach them, work with them, remind them and refocus them on how to treat girls/women.  I am old fashion and believe that women should be treated like gold.  Hold the doors open for them, think about their wants and needs first and appreciate them as more than a best friend, but your mate.  Or as the Bible states in Luke 6:31, “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.”  They will have ups and downs in their dating and how we show then as examples on how we as their parents deal with our daily and ongoing trials in a positive way and as partners.  Work through all times with love and respect.  They have been watching everything we have done since they were born and I hope and pray that we passed with great marks as their parents and as great examples.

As I read articles about teen dating violence, I am usually reading stats about this ongoing trend as seen in this well chronicled article below. (article continues after these 11 facts)  I have also seen a trend in many articles that just focus on the issue and not the cause.  We have to make the move and commitment to be proactive instead of always reactive.  Our children’s lives depend on this.

11 Facts About Teen Dating Violence

  1. Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with.
  2. Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior.
  3. There is an increased risk of unhealthy relationships for teens who have multiple sexual partners, use drugs or alcohol, don’t have parental supervision, or witness violence at home or in the neighborhood.
  4. 33 percent of adolescents in America are victim to sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional dating abuse.
  5. In the U.S., 25 percent of high school girls have been abused physically or sexually. Teen girls who are abused this way are 6 times more likely to become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
  6. Females between the ages of 16 and 24 are roughly 3 times more likely than the rest of the population to be abused by an intimate partner.
  7. 8 States in the U.S. do not consider a violent dating relationship domestic abuse. Therefore, adolescents, teens, and 20-somethings are unable to apply for a restraining order for protection from the abuser.
  8. Violent behavior often begins between 6th and 12th grade. 72 percent of 13 and 14-year-olds are “dating.”
  9. 50 percent of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide.
  10. A mere third of the teens who were involved in an abusive relationship confided in someone about the violence.
  11. Teens who have been abused hesitate to seek help because they do not want to expose themselves or are unaware of the laws surrounding domestic violence.

However, stats do not do anything to deal with this “local terrorism” or talk about why it is happening and where the abusers are learning their abusive tactics.

The United Nations Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women – defines violence against women as “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women.” In addition, domestic violence can be broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends or cohabitation.

Understanding Domestic Violence

Understanding domestic violence helps us support and protect our children.  Knowing the signs of both the victim and the abuser, what to look out for, what are the abusers tactics that is keeping their mate scared, scared enough to hide what is happening in their relationship.  You have to get your children to always be open and be in the position to have the trust to talk to you or a friend if they are in an abusive relationship.

You must know and remember that the abuser is always responsible for the violence and should be held accountable.   It is an abusive behavior that in most cases has been learned by the abuser/batterer.  There is no excuse for these violent acts and the victim is never responsible for the abuser’s behavior.

All forms of domestic violence come from the abuser’s desire for power and control over an intimate partner or other family member(s). This abusive behaviour is repetitive and life-threatening; it tends to worsen over time and destroys the lives of women and children. Any woman can experience domestic violence regardless of race, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle; violence can also take place in lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships.

Why Abusers Hurt

Abusers are generally very needy and controlling; the abuse escalates when they feel they may lose their partner, or when the relationship ends.  Even a single incident of physical violence or the threat of such violence may be sufficient to establish power and control over a partner; this power and control is then reinforced and stand strengthened by non-physical abusive and coercive behaviors. Emotional and verbal abuse frequently shifts to more overt threats or physical abuse, particularly in times of stress.  It is a common cause of injury. Victims may suffer physical injuries such as bruises or broken bones; they may suffer emotionally from depression, anxiety or social isolation; they may succumb to death.

Abuser’s Tactics

The abuser is purposefully using verbal, nonverbal, or physical means to gain control over the other person. Each of these abusive tactics; physical, psychological, financial, and emotional all come from the abuser’s desire to control and have power over their intimate partner or other family member(s).

The abusers will often make excuses for their behavior as well as blaming their victim(s) for all their abusive attacks. They also manage to convince their victim(s) that all the abuse is justifiable and the fault of the victim. Blaming their behavior on someone else, on the relationship, their childhood, their ill health, or their alcohol or drug addiction is one way in which many abusers try to avoid personal responsibility for their behavior. It is important that any intervention to address domestic violence prioritizes the safety of victims/survivors and holds the perpetrators accountable

Many abusers have previous instances of abuse in their pasts. Some might have even been arrested or treated for violent tendencies; however often times their current partner is unaware of these situation

In many cases the abuser will act as if nothing happened in order to excuse their behavior. If they do admit their actions, it is always the fault of the victim. They justify their actions by claiming that they were provoked.

As another method of maintaining control stalking invokes fear without the abuser even touching their victim with the abuser stalking or following their partner from a far. Its purpose is to frighten their victim and to prevent them from taking the initiative to leave.

Abuser behaviours and characteristics

  • Although these traits do not apply to each and every single abuser, they do apply to a majority of them.
  • Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous
  • Abusers have low self esteem.
  • Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people
  • For a male, his sense of masculinity is dependent on their partner being totally submissive and dependent on them
  • The abuser denies the need for counseling, because there is nothing wrong with him. The abuser will not want her getting counseling or may deny friendships with people who see the abuse.
  • The abuser has a great capacity for self deception.
  • The abuser was abused as a child or witnessed it in their own family
  • The mate is usually a status symbol or there may someone else to be the status symbol
  • They can be either charming or exceptionally cruel
  • They experience an intense desire to control their mates and others
  • They have a great ability to deceive others. In front of everyone else, they are cool, calm, charming and convincing. They will appear to be the most devoted and caring partner anyone could ask for in front of others.
  • They have a need to be accepted by the majority
  • They may be described as having a dual personality
  • They projects blame for the relationship difficulties on the partner.

Now share this article with all your contacts, friends and family members

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